Sunday, July 18, 2010

Salve atque vale, O JCL!

The Corinth branch of the Johnson County Library is where I've spent my days since February of 2004. I started there in Youth Services and moved up into the world of branch management--which is where I thought my passion should be.

I was wrong. I spent 3 1/2 years spinning my wheels trying to right (my) wrongs and be a good manager. I am not. I could not. And with all the changes lately in the library, I felt I could not even put on my team-player-manager hat with a smile and equilibrium and go out into the branch and say, "Do it this way, it will be good for you."

I am not a leader. Obviously. I'm probably the only person who took the JCL Leadership class and failed. Well, not exactly fail--just did not emerge confident and a "leader."

Ironically, it was the session led by Denise Upah Mills, that gradually led me to make my decision and to understand that being a "leader" is not the only thing in the world to be. I could be happy being a great person on my own and the dedicated follower of a "leader."

I liken it to singing in a choir. Each choir member has her own beautiful voice--or his own beautiful voice. Each one of us sings as best and as beautifully as we can--together. But we do take direction from our conductor. If our conductor can't lead us, we still have our beautiful voices, our appreciation of the music but maybe the piece doesn't come off as perfectly as it might.

Understanding that I have my own beautiful voice, my own talents that I can nurture has been the treasure to me during these rough months of deciding and saying farewell in my heart.

But now I sing it. Or rather I let someone singing under Ned Beatty as Josef Locke:


1 comment:

DaddyMan said...

So long, and thanks for the fish!

Makes us jealous by how much fun you have elsewhere!